Racist Remarks, Dead Kittens, and Tumors

It's a joke told in the darkest of humors.
The kind that just gets looks and not laughs.
A joke filled with racist remarks, dead kittens, and tumors.
So dark once it's said it can't be taken back.
It's that one thing you understand but don't wish to grasp.

It's a self destructive cycle with a willing participant.
The things bad movies are made of without the nudity.
A thought perverse in self deceit and bound to live again.
So lamentable but everyone will refuse to see.
It's an action that must be stopped but continues to free.

It's a car accident where both drivers aren't to blame.
The events that get just wonder and not wants.
A vision filled with horrific actions, classical piano, and shame.
So obscure once it's seen the absence of meaning haunts.
It's a need so deep after satisfied somehow fulfillment is a loss.

It's a knife in the back with an awkward sweet nothing in the ear.
The makings of cliche lines and romantic tragedies but has a flare.
A spelling error in a text you just sent 'cuz you're drunk trying not to spill beer.
So insignificant the realization of it brings awe at how much you don't care.
It's an event so universal and surreal remembering will be like you weren't even there.

It's never knowing, always hoping and trying to have more to give.
This is how I see my time, a passing of wants while looking for a reason to live.